How could you be so heartless

So. September came and went. And yes, i turned 20 on the 1st of October. Thanks everyone for the well wishes, via facebook and also text messages. Thank you.

My baby daughter is currently 6 months old. Her next appointment will be this coming wednesday so i'll only know her weight and height by then. But she's growing well. Eating solids already, mostly porridge and infant cereal. She's already familiar with her surroundings and can recognise people.

Next, i'm currently unemployed. Well i asked for an unpaid leave to settle some things like my passport and visa. But apart from that, another reason is that i'm being treated like shit at work. Because somebody sabotaged my boss and her daughter thinks i'm one of them even though my boss knows i'm not part of it. And yeah, her daughter treated me like shit. But guess what, after i settle my passport i'm not going back to work there anymore. I'm gonna try and apply somewhere else and hopefully i'll land myself with a better job. Amin.

The family life? Well everything between me and hubby are fine now. Except for the odd crisis 3 days in a row last week. I swear, i could've killed myself when he looked at me like that. Sometimes he's so childish, so small minded and sometimes so irritable. I swear i hated him. Hated him when his eyes just glaze at mine and him not moving a muscle and giving me that look full of accusations. I hated that.

I keep getting accused. Accused of stupid endless things which do not make any sense that could make me go insane! Why? Why me? I never did anything to hurt anybody. I don't give a damn about who they're gossiping about and i don't mind their businesses. I do my own stuff. I take care of my parents in law, my husband and my baby. And its still not enough for them.

Haven't i helped them enough? Who paid when you were slapped with a fine for violating traffic rules? Who contributed when you have no money to buy drinks and titbits for Raya? Who got blamed and accused for your stupidity and carelessness? Who did you all point your fingers at whenever you are blamed?

Me. I sacrificed so much for all of you but you just never appreciate me. You all take me as a tool, or a stone for you to blame your troubles on. I never did anything to all of you. I respected all of you but you all don't give a shit. Everything's about you, you and you!

BUT. Its okay. Its alright. I can stand. I still am! For me right now, whatever stones and sticks you all throw at me, Insyallah. Everything's gonna be alright. One day i will prove to you who i am and when the day comes, ALL OF YOU WILL REGRET FOR TREATING ME LIKE THIS. I'll show you.

Te Quiro

Today is currently the fourth day of Raya. We're going to have our open house later around midday. For family and close relatives and close friends.

During the first day of Raya, we only went house visiting only after 6pm. Funny thing is i fell asleep in the car, which proves how tired i was. Second day we went visiting at close relatives and went to Pauda's open house. Third day was spent mostly at home and i met up with my old bestie, Bubu! This is for you man, you don't know how happy i was to see you.

I think i'll upload my pictures when i'm in citra's house. I don't have a laptop to upload them.

The First of Syawal

Selamat Hari Raya people! Its been a real hectic week. I literally have been going to sleep in the wee hours of the morning like, around 4am in the morning and waking up at 6.30am to get ready for work. After work I got home at 4pm and when I reach home terus masak masak for sungkai, after that its all the baking and cleaning up the house.

When i wasn't working from Thursday to Saturday, its late night shopping three days in a row. Went to send Nadzirah off at the airport + sungkai + mini reunion with friends on Friday. Lucky girl's happy in UK now. All the best! And have been going to Giant this whole week for shopping.

Yesterday, malam lailatul qadar we had a bbq, where the whole family gathered and watched abang putting up fireworks display. Then we had a sort of doa selamat to tolak bala.. After that they cleaned up and i continued baking cookies & kueh mor. I started with the cookies from 3pm and everything was done at 5.30 in the morning. Semangat. Hahahaha.

The cookies was a last minute thing. The dough was self modified. Just plain sifted flour, egg , sugar and butter. Mix everything to get a dough, roll it out with a pin and then make shapes. Bake in the oven for 10minutes at 150degress and let cool, then decorate. For the icing i used white cooking chocolate. Heat it up in the microwave, spread over the cookies then sprinkle chocolate rice on top. Niceeee.

Now this is the morning of the first day of raya, and i'm sleepy. Not enough sleep okay! Will go raya-ing with the family later.

Okay everyone. Have a happy raya and stay safe okay!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN, IKHLAS DARI PG. SHAIFULLAH SOFIAN, SITI SYAZA & DK SITI NUR FARISYA AZZAHRA.

Semua terserah pada mu aku begitu ada nya..

Life sucks. So bad that i just wanna scream. Well if only certain people would be considerate and think before they act, i bet the world would be a better place. Trust me.

Why do i say that? Well that was this incident last week. I swear i'm not lying. I was out with hubby and baby and was doing a bit shopping. We were buying baby's necessities like diapers and milk. And we can't find her milk anywhere! It was all sold out. We went to Gadong Kiulap and even Giant's and we still couldn't find it. So we went home. And macam biasa kena bombarded for something thats so not true. And i swear to god i didn't do it. But then some people kan, couldn't stand to see me happy enjoying my life so WTH, i'm the bad one lah. I'm the one who don't give a shit about helping around and all. But in FACT, god knows why my whole body is aching and why i cry myself to sleep every night.

To all of you, you win. And i will never forgive you and i will always remember what you've done to hurt me.

Tonight's gonna be a good good night

hello all. Its been a while since my last update. Hehe. Sorry. So many things have happened. I got my old job back and hubby is currently working at the pasar malam during this fasting month. Btw happy fasting month to all you muslims including me. Life so far have not changed, still the same ups and downs. Oh yeah, congratulations to paul and anne on being pregnant with their first baby. This whole new experience is gonna be a blast for them, like it did for me. And i've gotten a bit envious and is wishing that i can experience being pregnant again. Maybe a baby boy this time perhaps? Hehehe.

Oh well i guess thats all for now. I'm blogging using my b-mobile phone which i just bought on tuesday. Loveees.:-)

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in..

My old blog skin is gone. I just had to be so stubborn to change it and now i've lost my links and all. Oh wells, anyone out there who want to help me with my blog, please don't be shy.

Shits have been so damo hard on me lately i feel like... Going to somewhere where nobody can find me and just leave me alone. Really. Thats how stressed i am now.

Thinking back. I just realised i miss all my high school friends. You know, my inner circle. People who've been so close to me that they know every single thing about me. I'm so isolated right now, i feel like.. Aarrgh.

Everything's so down right now that even my hands are shaking from anger and frustration. Yeah my body started shaking when i'm really mad and it all started after Esya was born.

With each passing day i wish that i could wake up telling myself that everything is gonna be alright but it'll all just be a stupid lie.

Can you imagine how i feel now? I really really want to get out from all this. Its pulling me down. And its breaking my happiness and sooner or later its all gonna leave an impact on my marriage and at the end of the day... I'M STILL FEELING STRESSED.

Ya Allah. Please give me strength. Please.

I so hate you right now.

I just had a quarrel with someone so kurang ajar. I'm so pissed off at her that i refuse to come out of my room.

KaJana asked, "inda kau takut kah karang ia gtau babu bapa?"

And i'm like, i don't fucking care! Go tell the parents all you want you lil whore. You just know how to change the story every bit to make you the victim when in fact its the other way round! Fuck you! I don't care!

I cannot wait to get out of here and have my own house. And when i do, i'm not gonna let you step your feet in it. Bitch. Go screw yourself. You think you're so older than every body else, well imma give you a reality check.
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Hello, burit baru tah kan berbulu and you're like, "OMFG, i'm so freaking old and everybody please bow down to me coz i'm the most kurang ajar person in the world that ever lived."

How's that sound bitch. And stay away from my baby or imma spoil hot oil from the cucur i made just now all over your ugly face.

Fuck.